


the night before we knew

by adoremark



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Introspection, POV Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 123: Island Devils Spoilers, erejean would be fratboys in our universe, mention of chapter 108 too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adoremark/pseuds/adoremark
Summary: It used to be so easy to read Eren. Whatever he felt, he would feel with all his might that Mikasa was afraid at times she’d be swallowed up. Now, she’s hesitant to even blink, or else she might miss that flash in his eyes.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	the night before we knew

The world is hazy. Laughter and chatter buzzes around Mikasa as she gulps down the alcohol in her cup. It slides down her throat, slick and warm, and her head grows foggy. On the other side of the tent, Sasha shrieks as Connie pours too much into her cup, spilling over the brim and onto her hand. She hurries to lick her fingers, the drops trickling down her forearm. Connie shrugs an apology and chugs straight from the bottle. Armin is accepting a drink from the boy’s father, his head drooping as he struggles to nod. His cheeks are flushed a deep rose even under the dim lighting inside the tent and Mikasa is sure that she looks the same as well. 

Mikasa leans back, flinching when her hand lands over someone else’s hand. She turns around to meet Eren’s dizzying gaze. Sasha’s yelps, Connie’s guffaws, and Armin’s hiccups all fade into a hum as Mikasa tries to read what could be going in his head. Eren doesn’t pull away his hand. Mikasa doesn’t either.

It used to be so easy to read him. Whatever he felt, he would feel with all his might, and it would gleam, clear as day, in his eyes. He burned with such a determination that Mikasa was afraid at times that she’d be swallowed up. Now, she’s hesitant to even blink, or else she might miss that flash in his eyes. 

“Eren! What’re you doing over there, sitting in a corner?” Jean yells, his words slurring. “Scared you’re gonna embarrass yourself while you’re wasted?” 

Eren raises a brow and crosses his arms. Mikasa can still feel the heat on his skin against hers. 

“I think you’re the one who’s wasted, buddy.”

Jean grins, a challenge in his voice. “Oh yeah? You wanna give me a go?”

Connie is pouring alcohol into tall glass cups. He jerks his head at Eren, swatting away Sasha’s hand when she tries to grab one of the cups. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed. Look at you, your face is barely red!”

Eren has on a lilting smile. “Or maybe I just have a high alcohol tolerance?”

“We’ll see about that,” Jean smirks, handing Eren a glass. “Whoever finishes three cups first.”

“And what do I get out of this?” Eren says, swirling the liquid in his cup. 

“Loser has to take over the winner’s dish duty with Captain Levi.”

Connie moans. “ _Jean_ , man, why would you do that to yourself?”

“Hey! Who says I’m gonna lose?” Jean snaps. 

Eren huffs a quiet laugh. “Alright. You’re setting yourself up for failure, you know that right?”

“Don’t get so cocky now, hotshot.” Jean raises his glass and juts out his chin. “Cheers.”

They’ve all gathered around the two, Sasha draped over Connie’s lap as she pops grapes into her mouth. Armin leans towards Mikasa, a bemused smile on his lips. “Should we stop them?” he asks. 

Mikasa is suddenly reminded of the days after Eren’s capture in the cave, his downcast stare and his head hanging, defeated. Jean had taken upon himself to force a spark, the two fighting like dogs in the dinner room, heaving for breath until Captain Levi ended it on his own terms. The situation plays out again and Mikasa finds herself saying the same words. 

“No,” she smiles. “I think it’s alright.”

Eren clinks Jean’s glass and the two throw their heads back. Their throats bob up and down as amber liquid dribbles out the corners of their mouths. 

“Come on, Jean!”

“You’re not gonna let him win again, are you?”

Armin giggles as Sasha and Connie frantically cheer him on. “Go Eren!” he yells into cupped hands.

Jean finishes his first glass before Eren, sucking in a deep breath before starting on the second. Eren sputters when he pulls his cup away, reaching for the second. 

Eren’s eyes are ablaze with a fervor Mikasa hasn’t seen in a while. She remembers the times they were this lively before he descended into an embracing darkness, his eyes growing clouded and murky. It’s this sobering thought that has her mustering out a shout. 

“You got this, Eren!”

He glances at her, his eyes crinkling at the ends before he squeezes them shut. 

It’s rare that he allows himself to let go like this. Mikasa sorts through the times, etched in her mind like handwritten letters. Their childhood days, dashing through the city, shielded by the walls, and blissfully unaware. Their training days where he burned so hot he seemed to set everything aflame without caution. 

Sasha’s and Connie’s cries grow even more boisterous as Eren gulps down his second drink, finishing just a few seconds before Jean. 

She remembers, how just under a year ago, when they had laid out those railroad tracks under the flares of the sun, how things never seem to change when Eren and Jean had a competition on who could carry the most tracks, how Sasha and Connie howled at their dropped jaws when Mikasa walked by with double the amount on her shoulders. How all their cheeks glowed with a flaming blush when Eren told them they were all precious to him. How Armin chuckled with a knowing smile, passing off their red faces with a blame against the sunset. And how Eren had looked straight across the wagon into Mikasa’s eyes, his own a warm, radiant green. 

Armin’s grip onto her arm tightens as Jean and Eren tilt their glasses back further. Mikasa seems to hold her breath as they near the end. 

It’s Jean who puts his glass down first, a glint in his eyes as he roars his victory. Sasha and Connie let out a whoop of relief and they rejoice. Eren wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, tongue poking at his cheek in annoyance. 

“Have fun scrubbing dishes with the Captain, loser!” Jean cackles. 

Armin pats Eren’s arm in an effort to comfort. Eren mutters something unintelligible, shaking his head, but a soft content smile pulls at his lips. 

“What was that?” Jean says, cupping his ear. “You got any complaints?”

“No, Sir. Pour me another glass, will you?”

“ _Another_? After _that_?” Jean says, his eyebrows raised. 

Eren cocks his head. “What? You tired out already, _Jeanboy_?”

Jean scowls. “Shut your trap, Jaeger.” He fills up Eren’s glass, Sasha’s outstretched one, and soon all of them are raising their glasses above their heads, a chorused cheer ringing in the tent. 

Mikasa loses herself in the rush of time as the world spins around her. At some point, the man that invited them goes out and comes back inside the tent with an armful of bottles, Sasha squealing in delight upon the sight. Mikasa’s body tingles with a humming heat and the rest of the night passes by in blurs. 

She’s on the floor now, and through her bleary vision, she sees Eren next to her, his face just inches away from hers. It’s been a while since she’s seen him up close like this too, unguarded and palpable. She studies the bridge of his nose, the wispy ends of his eyelashes, and his fluttering breath as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, so at ease. 

Her head is muddled and like this, she can tuck away jumbled thoughts of the events that preceded the evening. Mikasa doesn’t have to think about Eren’s muted and dull gaze as they ventured through Marley. She doesn’t have to think about how Eren had desperately stared at her earlier that night, asking her a question that had the meaning of a hundred questions behind it. She doesn’t have to think about how the past few months, she’s felt Eren slipping through her grasp like sand through spread fingers. Her uneasiness grows faint as she sinks into slumber. A part of her doesn’t want to fall asleep, something tugging at her to hold on—to what, she isn’t sure of herself.

For now, she lets her forehead rest onto the side of Eren’s head, closes her eyes, and clutches onto the collar of her shirt, the ghost of her red scarf tight in her grip. 

**Author's Note:**

> to celebrate s4 coming in just three days!!! i'm so excited and scared at the same time lol... anyways thanks for reading! you can talk to me here at my [twt](https://twitter.com/markbffs)


End file.
